Sunday, June 28, 2015

6-22-2015 (email)

I sent a recording with pretty much everything from this week. It's been a hard week for sure. One of the worst so far to be honest. Everything seems to have kind of fallen apart. Chanel's not getting baptized, we've lost less actives and it seems that all of our appointments just fall through and we spend the whole day walking.

This Saturday was probably the saddest day of my entire mission so far. I think I've mentioned before a less active named V. Well, this week we stopped by to talk to her and tell her that we weren't going to come back as often unless she started keeping her commitments, but ended up getting the same thing from her. She's moving out of Alborada boundaries and we won't be able to visit her anymore. She seemed like she'd finally hit the bottom. She hasn't been keeping her commitments and even told us that she doesn't feel any remorse for her sins anymore and doesn't feel the spirit. She only reads/prays/whatever when we do it with her, and the next time she does anything is when we come back. It seemed that any light she had has been taken away. I told her that she's not happy, and she agreed. I told her with tears in my eyes that for five months now we've told her the things that will make her happy and they will never change. She's never done any of them. Elder Wimmer and I both cried during that lesson because we knew that when she left she wasn't going to do those things. It was so heartbreaking to see her just reject so many blessings that were within her reach. It also seemed like she didn't care about us anymore. She used to tell us that we were the best missionaries ever and that she had no idea what she was going to do when we were gone, and on Saturday she didn't even act like she was going to miss us, and even tried to "correct" our missionary work. It was so sad. My heart just hurts for her. Seeing her reject those blessings and knowing that she might be lost was worse than being homesick, physically sick, having a companion that won't talk to me, or whatever else. I know that I did what I could and that she has agency, but I still feel a sense of failure. I feel like on top of that I've let Alborada down. I don't want to get a change knowing that things are how they are. This is the last week. I'll find out on Monday if I'm staying or not.

That's about all for this week. The rest is on the recording. Even though this week was very trying, in a strange way it was a huge testimony builder for me, because I know what she's losing. It's sad, but it helped me know that the things that I'm doing are right, and that if I do what I'M supposed to, I'll be saved. The Church is true, I know it with all my heart. I love you all. READ THE SCRIPTURES!

Elder Tate

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